It's the little things that you forget cause the most trauma. But they do, especially when it's June.
June is historically Beh's roughest month. He loses all the comfort of routine that the school year provides and is cast into an abyss of uncertainty. On the days when he can just stay home with no demands upon him, he's fine. But toss anything at him that varies from the routines he lives by, and he's lost in a tornado of fear.
And it's the stupid little things that cause that fear, the things other mothers take for granted as simple tasks.
Today it was taking N to camp. It was his first day, and the respite provider scheduled to work with Beh was sick. I had to take all three boys.
I prepped N. the night before. We went over the campus map over and over again so that he'd know where to go because I knew getting Beh out of the car and walking him around an unfamiliar school would be too traumatic. I hated that I wouldn't be able to walk N to his classroom, but he is 13 now and can handle it.
I talked Beh through the morning. We were dropping N off, not him. We'd come right back to the house. We'd go back at 11.
Everything was fine until our car approached an unfamiliar school and Beh freaked out. I reminded him that we were dropping off his brother, not him, and that everything would be ok. But words have a hard time reaching someone who is overcome with fear. Beh screamed. He pulled on my hair from the back seat. He kicked. He was so afraid.
When we got home, it took 30 minutes to get him out of the car. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get him back into the car to pick up his brother. No clue.
Will you please do me a favor today? When you run an errand or make a quick stop at the grocery with your kids in tow, will you be thankful? Will you embrace the miracle that being able to so is? Will you lift up a prayer of thankfulness to your deity for the beauty of the mundane? Because, I promise, Beh would love to be able to do those things without being overwhelmed with a fear few of us can understand. Be thankful for those tiny miracles.
